If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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