my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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