i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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