When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
