***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
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I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
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The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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