he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
