she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
