I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
