Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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