Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
