I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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