Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
