But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
