worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
