Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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