im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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