I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
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Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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