It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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