You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
