either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
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Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
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LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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