I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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