I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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