He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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