You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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