That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
