i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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