She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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