dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
