She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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