who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
