There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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