This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
