Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
