He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
