he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
