At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
