I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
