Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
