i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
