Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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