I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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