Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
