i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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