apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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