i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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