Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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