You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
