Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
