i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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