the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize