theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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