so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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