If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
