I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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