I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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