So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
