i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
