Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
