Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
