so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
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I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
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New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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