where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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