the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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