can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
