just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
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you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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