At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
only you would photoshop your dick
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
