An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
