I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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