Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
FUCK WHALES
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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