dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
